I’ve got to be honest, it’s been a pretty peaceful four weeks. I’ve been all over the map training at different communities and haven’t spent much time in my own building at all. I’ve been anxious to get into the swing of things, and for the first time tonight I felt completely back in my element: during dinner, I heard a bloodcurdling scream from the dining room. As has become second nature, I jumped from my desk without hesitation and calmly (on the outside, at least) assessed the situation. Had someone fallen? Was a Halloween costume too scary? Did this nonna see a ghost?!

I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were no injuries or apparitions. My resident was beside herself because she couldn’t find her lipstick in her purse. I’m talking top of her lungs, somehow-lost-a-shoe frantic. Thankfully, I spotted it quickly and the panic subsided. Admittedly, my gut reaction was that her response was quite extreme, not because of how upset she was but rather that she immediately got over it. There didn’t seem to be some mysterious unmet need; this nonna was truly triggered by her lipstick.

I sat back down at my desk, my “work Vaseline” beside my keyboard, and it hit me: her reaction made total sense. A quick Google search later, I was astonished to find just how many desperate pleas there are on forums regarding dementia, obsessions, and subsequent compulsions. One wife shared about her license-less husband’s AAA fixation, another about her love’s cigars. The examples were endless and caregivers puzzled.

Is it really that baffling when you think about it, though? I mentioned I have a work Vaseline. I also have a car one, a travel toiletries one, two in my bathroom, and one in my favorite coat pocket. I rub the stuff all over my face, even especially on my eyelashes. A wise old woman once told me it’s the fountain of youth (and I’m pretty sure world renowned supermodel Tyra Banks confirmed it in the early 2000s, sOoOo..). Obsession? Check! Compulsions? For sure! Panic attack if you hid them all from me? Probably, but I’d rather not find out.

I’m not the only one. One of my best friends keeps Burt’s Bees everywhere. I’ll be sitting on her couch and find one between the cushions. Some coworkers bring their chapstick into meetings. Not relatable? Think about your phone. Ever have a sudden onset of anxiety when you didn’t feel it in your pocket? Or misplace it and flood your mind with crazy thoughts like “It was stolen”? Worrying about things that mean a lot to us isn’t so outlandish. It just so happens that with dementia, the concerns are amplified; think obsessions + paranoia – inhibitions = the perfect panic storm.

As troubling as witnessing outbursts like my love’s tonight can be for caregivers, just imagine what it feels like for the individuals themselves. According to Dr. Richard Taylor, an author who lived with Alzheimer’s Disease:

“This personal change phenomenon is, in my humble opinion, the most powerful and devastating symptom of dementia I have thus far experienced. There is little written about it, other than to say, ‘There may be personality changes.’ I may become a tad ‘more confrontational, paranoid, confused’ than I was before Dr. Alzheimer took up residence in my brain. Where are the studies of these phenomena? Where are the books, the papers, the programs on what to expect, how to deal with it, what pills to take to reverse it? Who is researching ‘Alzheimer’s personalities syndromes?’”

– Dr. Richard Taylor

Studies aside, there also needs to be more empathy and patience. We all have our quirks and our “obsessions”, and none of us would appreciate somebody messing with them (real or perceived). The thought alone of even one of those Vaselines going missing has my heart rate increasing, but I find comfort in knowing (read: hoping) that someone would help me find it.