In the assisted living world, we often say we’re in the “wellness business” as opposed to the “illness” one. Our approach is more person-centered and takes into account not only physical needs, but emotional and social ones, as well (to name a few). The focus has shifted from diagnoses and limitations to capabilities and what’s preserved. After all, no one wants to be defined by their health needs, and they certainly don’t want to simply exist:
“That would be the aim of good senior care: the aim to live, live, live until you die – that you’re dancing when you die. That would be the dream of most people. They don’t want to sit around and die slowly.”
The above doesn’t have to be a pipe dream; it’s time to really practice what we preach. Too often, we concentrate on what our nonnas can’t do anymore as opposed to what they can. To worry is natural, especially when it comes to our more vulnerable loved ones. However, if we hone in on that fear and highlight limitations, we only disable them more. Keeping your nonno active in hobbies he enjoys is not only necessary, but with a little creativity, it’s also totally doable.
Maybe your nonna doesn’t remember her recipes, but she can certainly be your sous-chef. The washing machine may be complicated to work, but odds are she’d be happy to help fold clothes. As is the case with one of my favorite residents, the mall is overwhelming, but catalog shopping is both stimulating and fun (for both of us, obv). Rosie’s too big for some to walk, but many help to “watch” her for me and practice all her tricks. Regardless of how the activity’s tailored, what matters most is that it happens:
“I appreciate and sometimes immerse myself in the process rather than only or mostly on the outcome. I like doing things. I like and appreciate the doing. Doing is how I know I am alive, and how I appreciate being alive.”
Life is for the living. Avoid leaving things at “can’t” and be creative with your plan Bs. Offer encouragement, not dissuasion, and don’t ever let the dancing stop.