Month: May 2015

Which Floor?

ccandido1 Passion , , , , , ,

Have you ever walked into a crowded elevator and had the awkward trying-to-reach-it-yourself-slash-hoping-someone-steps-up-to-push-the-button encounter? You know.. the cute, “Which floor?” that’s often followed by small talk or a joke about how cramped it is? Aside from the occasional fumbling, it’s usually pretty painless. This morning wasn’t one of those times.

Just before lunch, a man visited Il Sogno on his in-laws’ behalf. We chatted for a while before touring the community and meeting some nurses and residents. As we made our way upstairs, one of my loves joined us in the elevator. I asked which floor she was heading to, to which she replied without hesitation “the basement.” Va bene! From the ground level, the three of us cheerfully went up to 2. My visitor was confused; “What’s in the basement?”

Not only do we not have a basement, we apparently do have crazy sales managers (sono io!). Once we were alone, I explained the reasoning behind my acquiescent response. In even the earlier stages of dementia, reality orientation can be distorted and words confused. A second floor apartment could be mistaken for a lower level’s. Not bad, right? We can politely correct the mix-up and move on? Nope. Per favore, don’t do that. There are a few reasons why:

  1. You will not win that battle. I’ve posted about this before, but it’s essential that this point be understood. Another nonna was insistent on Monday that her car was parked outside and someone needed to check on it. I overheard family members reassuring her that her beloved Cadillac, which was sold years ago, was in good hands. They reminded her (with noticeable frustration) that they’d had this conversation earlier and she knew the car was gone. Her reaction? Utter confusion and, as a result, anger.

As dementia sufferer and former professor Cary Henderson wrote:

“You can’t build on experience. No two days and no two moments are the same.”

Dr. Taylor reiterates:

“It is virtually impossible to win an argument with an individual with dementia. … Trying to present an argument or convince the person of a particular point of view will lead to frustration and failure. Also, confrontation will only cause the person to be more defensive, further harming communication.”

  1. You will do more harm than good. I promise you, I understand how insanely heartbreaking it can be to watch a loved a one helplessly decline. You want to fix things; you’re dying to save them. Reminding them that they’re wrong, however, won’t help their mind – it’ll hurt their feelings. Imagine being told (by someone younger than you, no less!) that you’re mistaken about something you’re certain of.. or hearing, in so many words, that you had a conversation you know never took place. Has everyone else lost their minds?!

“Every time I have a feeling that I’m losing – losing contact, losing my brains, whatever it is, I panic. I think the really worst thing is you’re so restricted. … You just feel that you are half a person and you so often feel that you are stupid for not remembering things or for not knowing things.”

–Cary Henderson

Paranoia is often an accompanying symptom of this disease, and understandably so:

“I would just chalk up paranoia as one of those feelings which is basic to Alzheimer’s people. The feeling of frustration, the feeling of having missed something. It’s real big. It’s heavy. We miss a lot of things and there are times when I feel like people are plotting against me. … I think paranoia, if I’m reading this right, almost has to be something that’s very basic to living with Alzheimer’s.”

–Cary Henderson

There are going to be mistakes. There’ll be moments of confusion (and some of clarity <3). There will without a doubt be instances when your nonno is flat out wrong. Agree with him anyway.

“My advice to people who are caregivers is that…really…just keep things under control. Keep things easy to understand – not baby language or something like that. Don’t talk down to us. … [We] make an awful lot of mistakes – just try to bear with [us] and correct [us] gently. … There’s no sense in fussing at [us] anyhow – because I don’t believe [we’ll] understand what the problems are.”

–Cary Henderson

Let go of the little things and choose not to argue. It’s one of the most important lessons I’ll ever attempt to teach, and it can’t be stressed enough. Will running outside to “check on a car” truly ruin your day? Will correcting your nonna make it that much better? If you take anything from this blog, I beg you, take the ride to the basement.

Where It All Began <3

ccandido1 Travel , , , , , , , , ,

Since I sent out my infamous “Rome Tips” document for the ~25th time last week, i figured I should post it here so that others can hopefully use it as well. 🙂 Rome is where my love for Italy began. Growing up, I’d drive my parents crazy about going on a trip to Italy. I joke that my ancestors have always pulled me there, and I’m believing more and more that this truly is the case. I took one step off our Alitalia flight in 2003 and was home.

I’ve since been back to Italy a total of 15 times, most of which have included Rome (if even for a day!). Below are some general notes and tips I’ve recorded over the years.

Getting to the City

  • Upon arrival at FCO Airport, follow signs for the Train Station (Stazione, Treno, etc.), and take the train to Roma Termini, the main train station in Rome
    • Should cost ~€14 per person and take about a half hour
    • It’s called the Leonardo Express train and has no other stops, so it’s very easy
    • Purchase your tickets at an electronic ticket booth before boarding the train and be sure to validate them before you hop on (you’ll just insert them into a validating machine that will stamp them)

Top Sights

  • Villa Borghese, the Central Park of Rome
    • VB is beautiful to walk around and inside is a museum, a great zoo, lots of fountains, etc. It’s easy to get lost in, though!
  • You can exit the park at Piazza del Popolo if you’d like, which is a big, beautiful piazza that gives way to three streets that are known as “il Tridente” – Via del Babuino on your left, Via del Corso down the middle, and Via di Ripetta on your right (when the Piazza is behind you and you’re facing the three streets)
    • Il-tridente-di-Piazza-del-Popolo
    • Via del Babuino will take you to Piazza di Spagna, where the Spanish Steps are
    • Via del Corso is excellent for shopping!
      • All the way at the opposite end of Via del Corso is Vittoriano/Monumento a Vittorio Emanuele (aka Wedding Cake Building, one of the most beautiful buildings in Rome IMO!)
      • Italy 107
      • Take the elevator to the top for incredible views of the entire city, especially the nearby ruins and Coliseum (€7 per person, totally worth it!)
      • The Coliseum and ruins/Roman Forum are right behind this building, and the Capitol buildings are also nearby (to the right when you’re looking directly at it)
    • Via di Ripetta will lead you toward the Pantheon, although it’s off on a side street (there will be signs)
      • Breathtaking structure, especially from the outside
    • La Fontana di Trevi (the Trevi Fountain) is between Via del Corso and Via del Babuino on a side street, and there will be signs for that as well
      • The Spanish Steps and Trevi Fountain are most stunning at night, when all lit up and less crowded, so try to also stop by as late as you can (while walking home from dinner, etc.)
      • IMG_6450 IMG_0818
  • The Vatican and its museums are stunning and well worth however long it may take you to get in
    • Best time to arrive is at the end of the afternoon, around 3PM, as it closes at 5:00 and is insanely busy earlier in the day (especially in the morning!)
      • Lines will be much shorter at this time, and you’ll be able to move through quicker
      • Can get there via metro on the red line (the stop is Ottaviano)
      • IMG_0841
    • If possible, visit the Papal Gardens and the Catacombs (underground, older Vatican with the tombs of past popes)
      • Note: if you get claustrophobic, the Catacombs will be difficult to walk through
    • Be sure to rub St. Peter’s foot for good luck!
    • Your knees and shoulders must be covered to enter – no tank tops, short shorts, etc.
    • The Pope hosts a Papal Audience almost every Wednesday. It’s not a full blown mass, but rather a chance to see and pray with Pope Francis
    • The Vatican is across the river, and as you’re walking back towards it you approach the Castel Sant’Angelo (it’s huge! & can’t be missed!)

Getting Around

  • The metro system is extremely easy to use! There are only two lines, the red A line and the blue B line, but they’re in the process of building a third
  • Almost all stops you’ll need are on the red line, except for the Coliseum which is on the blue line
    • Most stops of your interest are named according to the attraction that’s nearby (ex: Spagna for Piazza di Spagna, Colosseo for the Coliseum)
    • There is also a tram, but it shouldn’t be necessary to use to see anything popular (unless of course you’d just like to try it!)
    • HOWEVER, everything you want to see in Rome is in walking distance! You can literally walk around the entire city to cover everything, and although it wasn’t built in a day, it can be seen on foot in just two! 😉
    • 6a013483a13a94970c014e8a1c86aa970d-500wi
  • The main station, Termini, is where you’ll arrive from the airport. It is probably THE shadiest spot in the city. Be mindful of your belongings and try to avoid staying in a hotel that’s close to the station, as its surroundings are ugly & unsafe as well

Where to Eat & Hang

  • Piazza Navona is a popular tourist spot for restaurants, but it is expensive and not super authentic
    • Beautiful to walk through, though! Definitely check it out
  • Via Veneto is huge for restaurants, but is even worse than Piazza Navona (they will rip you off in a heartbeat and the food isn’t spectacular)
  • Note: remember that there is no tax on food in Rome, nor are you required to tip anywhere in Italy. In fact, you are expected NOT to tip, as it is not customary. If taxes or tips are added to your bill, you can ask that they be removed, as there is no basis for them
  • The less Americans there are around, the better and more authentic the restaurants will be
    • Don’t bother going into a place that has a waiter outside trying to lure you in – tourist trap!
    • I’ve found that there are great authentic restaurants near the river (although not directly ON it, as they can be touristy and expensive as well)
  • Campo dei Fiori is a popular night-time spot, especially for tourists
    • It’s a piazza with tons of bars and people from all over the world
    • Always a lot of fun!
    • Wine Bar Camponeschi is right outside the piazza and is one of my favorite restaurants in Rome
      • I’ve never seen a tourist there, only Romans
      • Their carbonara sauce is the BEST!
      • The address is Piazza Farnese, 50/50a
      • Phone #: +39066874927
    • Casa & Bottega is my favorite lunch spot
      • Right across the river on your way back from the Vatican/Castel Sant’Angelo
      • The address is Via dei Coronari, 183
      • Phone #: +39066864358
  • There’s a pub crawl that leaves from the Spanish Steps every night that I personally think is amazing. It’s cheap (it at least was around €25, not sure if it’s gone up) and includes unlimited PIZZA, shots at the door of every bar, unlimited beer & wine, a T-shirt, & free entry at each stop, including the club at the end. I don’t even drink and I love it. We did this crawl almost every weekend when I studied abroad in Rome!

Side Notes and Tips

  • Italian country code (for telephone calls) is 39, so if you’re calling an Italian number, you’d dial +39 and then the number
    • You can add an international plan to your phone for $30 (Verizon), but it’s limited and automatically charges you if you go over your tiny amount of data
    • It’s cheaper to get a Vodafone SIM card once you arrive and switch your SIM out
      • Usually €30 for the card and your plan, and you’ll be able to make calls, text, & use data, and it should last your whole trip!
      • You’ll have an Italian phone number but all of your stuff will be the same (pictures, contacts, etc.)
      • They sell them at airports and in big train stations
  • US country code is 1, so you’d dial +1 and then the number of anyone you’re calling back home
  • The maps they give out at hotels are cartoon-like with photos of monuments but are very helpful! The city itself can be confusing to navigate around, but everyone speaks English and can help!
  • ATMs are called Bancomats and they are all over the city
    • It is cheaper and easier to take money directly out of your checking account this way, as exchanging cash will cost you more and you don’t want to have much cash on you unless necessary anyway
  • It is not customary to sit down for coffee in Italy
    • Instead, stand at the “bar” and drink it/have a small breakfast like a croissant
    • Bars in Italy refer to coffee shops, although many also serve alcohol as well
    • “Un caffe`” is not a regular American coffee, but rather an espresso
      • “Caffe` Americano” is American coffee (the closest thing to it, at least!)
  • As in any city, always be mindful of your belongings
    • I keep my phone and wallet tucked into my pants and under my shirt to be safe
    • Don’t accept help from anyone who approaches you at the train stations, etc.
    • Rome is not dangerous by any means, but we Americans can be easy targets!! 😉
  • Building #s come after street names in Italian addresses, and street names are found on the sides of buildings as opposed to on actual street signs like here in the US
  • There is no tipping in Italy! Though it feels so uncomfortable for us as Americans, it is NOT customary to leave tips at restaurants, in cabs, etc.
    • If you really enjoyed interacting with your server and found them to have gone above and beyond, you can certainly leave them something, but don’t feel like it has to be 20%! A couple euro coins would be plenty (honestly!)
  • Driving is on the same side of the road as us
    • Most cars are stick-shift, not automatic, so if you’re renting, be sure to specify that you want automatic and not manual!
    • Tolls can be paid in cash or credit card if your rental doesn’t have “Telepass” (their version of our EZ-Pass)
      • In many cases, you’ll pull up to a tollbooth and take a ticket. Before you exit the highway, you’ll go through another toll booth where you’ll insert your ticket and be given the price
      • Though there are illustrations to help, if you’re paying with a credit card look for “CARTE” on the signs up top to know which lane to stay in
    • You won’t see many cops on the road, but the Italians are definitely watching your speed!
      • There are cameras all over, so be sure to stay at a reasonable speed or you’ll come home to a speeding ticket in the mail! I get one every single time I’m there
    • Their signs are different than ours, so it can be confusing to determine what’s a one-way, where you can and cannot park, etc. See my previous post for details
  • You can drink/fill your water bottles from any fountain in Rome. The water is clean and SO GOOD!
  • The fountain at Piazza di Spagna was just restored, and it looks amazing! They’re still working on the actual building at Spagna but it’s worth the trip regardless
  • The Trevi Fountain, unfortunately, is still undergoing restorations 😦

I hope this helps! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙂

Lonely or Alone?

ccandido1 Passion , , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever heard the saying, “Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, and being lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone”? The psych grad in me is cringing – I can’t find its source to cite it anywhere! Though it’s only been a month, working at Il Sogno has already taught me an incredible amount of information, much of which relates to the aforementioned quote.

It’s no secret that the value of personal connections is immeasurable. In fact, it has been found that social engagement is a more potent predictor of health and longevity than is our age, chronic disease, or even risk factors like smoking cigarettes. In its absence, studies confirm there is an increase in depression, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart problems, cognitive decline, and even Alzheimer’s disease. Loneliness, then, is not only depressing; it’s unhealthy.

Luckily, we have just under 90 nonnos and nonnas residing at our community. Between the caregivers, dining staff, managers, and nurses, I couldn’t guess how many employees there are; one thing we’re not is desolate. But is that enough? As my mystery saying alludes, warm bodies don’t fill voids; loneliness is not necessarily defined as the state of being alone, but rather as a lack of intimacy. There is no significant relationship between solitude and sociability.

Truthfully, our census is irrelevant. There are 45 million seniors in the US alone, yet nearly half of them feel lonesome. Each nonna at Il Sogno requires two types of assistance: emotional support and hands-on care. The latter tends to physical needs and is necessary (but not sufficient) for survival. Emotional support, however, enhances confidence, upholds respect, and nurtures value. That’s where our hearts come in.

“Emotional intimacy depends primarily on trust, as well as the nature of one’s relationship. It frequently involves individuals discussing their feelings and emotions with each other in order to gain understanding and offer mutual support. It is necessary for human beings to have this form of intimacy on a regular basis for them to develop and maintain good mental health.”

There is no health without mental health. Warm bodies heal the wounds, but it’s love that lifts the spirits.

“Actually, what I need is to feel that I am still taking care of something. Something that returns love, that gives itself away without expecting anything back. Something that never, ever judges me but just accepts me for who and what I am at that particular moment. Something that is not hung-up about who I was, or who I am, or who I will be. … Something that is happy to be with me no matter where I live, or am forced to live (for my own good, of course). Something that remembers little or nothing of yesterday, but does its best to make today the best day of its life and, quite unintentionally, the best day of my life.”

– my favorite, Dr. Taylor

Passionate, successful care partners exude empathy and perseverance. We focus on the present, brighten days, and practice patience. We celebrate accomplishments, seek out guidance, and give thanks. We offer more than helping hands; we fill hearts and we feed souls. With love and positivity, we partner and enrich. Grazie a Dio, we’re neither lonely nor alone.